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Tuesday, July 12, 2005 { 5:20 AM }

tudae was such a boring dae lorx..morning had lessons..all r sho bored..but at least didnt have real proper lessons though..dhen we watched a chinese movie..yupps..i guess the onli lesson i enjoyed ishh history? hahahas(: later in the afternoon er had tt scrabbles competition...we r the organizers mahx..sho nid tuu be there tuu at least help out n see tuu everything lorx..didnt xpect 2 things tuu happen..realli i mean..yupps..realli didnt..sho lil ppl lorx..dhen we eliminated abt half the amt of ppl dere. nxt week dere'll be onli abt erm..20+ ppl left..haiz..sho pathetic. dunt understand y..this few daes haf been feeling a bit dwn. last nite told my mom tt i wanna go 4 IP. she nagged at mii lorx..saeing that she worrie i cant cope up..blah blah blah.."wat if euu fail?" haiz..okays..dhen when i sae i dunt wanna go, she asked mii tu try." haiya..no harm trying wat.." she speaks words that contradicts. i've made up my mind n no one..i really mean no one's gonna change my mind. I'M NOT GOING FOR THAT PROGRAMME ANYMORE!! i sumtym reali do detest my life..i mean..i dunt live my life 4 myself..i live it 4 sumone else..i cant do the things i want..i'm depressed..i rather haf sumone that helps tuu cover the ugly side of me n lurve mii...not control n manupilate me tuu my agenda. dunt euu think euu r fate okies? i cried when i was in bed...for no rythm or reason..juz flow uncontrollable. haiz..i sux..i realli sux big tym. ishh being depressed one of the growing up stage? if so..i dunt wanna grow up animore..i still rmb tt person who betrayed mii. she/he who shant be named shall be called the monster by me. okies..the monster was bad. she/he hurted my feelings. i guess i trusted she/he so much..n yet..she/he did this tuu mii..euu may wanna noe wat she/he did tuu me..but i tell euu..if euu now it..euu may start tuu haf sum like guards against yr friends..esp yr close friends..can euu imagine watever euu tell that person may be the nxt thingy yr parents may find out n scold n nag at euu abt? i m fearful. ish dere nort a person i cn trust in this whole wurld? ishh dere not anione who'll stand be mii n stick tuu me in times of sadness n loneliness. i tried coveing up her/his secrete when sumone who also shant be named found out abt it..i wonder how sum ppl can tell her all her secretes n trust that she dunt leak it out tuu others. i wonder how?? i cant tell dhem..cuz i noe..we'll maybe fight over this..i dunt wanna harp on those unhappy memories..but i realli hate baqstabbers n unloyal ppls...if euu noe who euu r..pl..do change yr attitude for the betta..dunt hurt others feelings again.